Excerpt:
“Logan?”
“Yeah?” I manage to croak out the word before JoJo takes my arm and walks me over to one of the far corners of the club. When I see where he’s taking me, I stop. Ten feet away I see them.
Suzie’s holding Brad’s pale head in her lap and Josh is lying next to them.
“No! No, no, no, fucking no!” I fall to my knees, screaming out to whoever and whatever will listen. I clutch my heart and I can feel it breaking, shattering into a million and one irreparable pieces. I try to gulp in air but my lungs refuse to breathe as I continue to scream out, embracing the burn of the harsh sounds.
I completely fall to the floor, slamming my fists on the ground, making my knuckles bleed as I take in the sight before me. The hot tears pour out onto the floor next to me, generously blinding me from seeing my husband’s body lying on the cold, hard floor.
I somehow manage to crawl the last few feet to a silent Suzie, who moves aside to let me hold him one last time. I pull his head into my lap and I start rocking us.
“Oh, baby. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t. God, come back to me.” I cry into his soft hair, kissing his cool temple over and over again. “Brad, baby, you can’t leave me here. Please try to come back to us. God, you have to try.”
I cradle my husband, begging and pleading God, to my brother, to anyone else up above, to bring him back to me until my voice goes hoarse. And even then, I don’t stop as my cries continue to spill from me.
“Logan? They need you to let go. They need to –”
“Shut the fuck up, Jo.” I tighten my grip on Brad when I see him kneel next to me. He’s been crying too. I put my head in the crook of Brad’s neck and hold on.
“Logan, they’ll let you see him after they clean him up. But please, let the medical examiner take him.”
“Logan, let them have my brother.” It’s only then I remember Suzie.
I look over to her, standing next to the guys who already have Josh on a gurney inside a black bag. She looks as dead as I feel inside. I shudder at the comparison, considering my surroundings, but it’s true.
I scoot back, gently laying Brad’s head on the floor. I take one of his hands in my own and place a small kiss on top. I lean down and place one on his white lips.
The last kiss I’ll ever give him.
A fresh wave of tears starts to fall as I cover my mouth at the thought of that being our final kiss.
I’ll never get to talk to him again.
I’ll never get to hold him.
I’ll never get to tell him about my day.
We’ll never get to make love in our bed again.
And, we’ll never get to start the family that, just hours before, we were looking forward to.
I barely manage to stand up, but as soon as I do, Suzie is in my arms.
We hold onto one another, mourning the loss of our Brad, crying into one another as we feebly attempt to comfort each other.
As my tears slowly start to subside, we stand there, watching the response team pick him up and gently place him in a black bag, when I hear a soft voice say my name. I look to my right and there stands Cameron.
“He needs you, Logan. He’s got no one coming to hold him like you and I have.” I give Suz one last squeeze and turn to face Cam.
The second we’re face to face, we’re hugging. I let him cry into my shoulder as we watch the men in our life being zipped into bags and rolled away.
I don’t know how we’re going to move on.
I don’t know how to live a life without my love.
But I have to do it. For him, for Josh, for Cam and Suzie, and for everyone who lived through the shooting.
