Goddess Fish Promotions Presents

Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End
by Teresa Fischtner

A randomly drawn winner will receive a $15 Amazon/BN GC – Enter Below

Advance praise (payback) for Teresa Fischtner:

“Well, this is a little embarrassing. I didn’t actually read the WHOLE book, but it’s probably pretty good. I’m not sure what she said about me, but you should know—SHE shot me in the back on my 19th birthday!”
– Ronny Fischtner (author’s son)

“I love my mom and I love MOST of this book. It should be noted that my bowling has improved, I’ve given up hockey, accounting is for nerds, pancakes is food for super heroes and no one needs to count how many boyfriends I’ve had.”
– Malyn Fischtner (author’s daughter)

“I’m pleased to be the source of so much humour for my wife. I just wish she didn’t feel the need to publish it.”
– Ron Fischtner (author’s husband)

“It was the last class of the evening that I was teaching, and we were doing our stretches, and at the surface of the water I noticed a single floating nipple happily bobbing away on its own. Unsure if its owner was still in the water, I quietly asked the nearest lady, “Excuse me, could you just pass me that nipple over your right shoulder?

“There I held a lovely C-cup breast that went rogue. I made posters for the lost breast (seriously, I made missing boob posters). No one claimed her. I introduced her to all the instructors, but no one recognized her (honestly, they all look the same after a few years at the pool). No one ever claimed Betty (yes, we gave her a name). Betty stayed on the teachers’ table in our special little box for a long time. Eventually, like all good boobs, she wrinkled up, lost her bounce, and sagged lower and lower in the box until we all forgot how much fun she was when we first found her.”

This is a feel-good book of true short stories about me, my family, friends, and my aquafit business, Over the Deep End. We all have stories to share, and the true ones are always the best. I’m sharing some of my most vulnerable moments, some of my greatest moments, and some of my saddest. Hopefully, in one story or another, you find something way better than me—you might find you. We all have a story and a different way to tell it. I hope telling my stories helps you tell some of your own.

Ron, my first husband—he is my only husband, but I like to say “first husband” to keep him on his toes—and I met casually at a party and exchanged phone numbers, actual land line phone numbers (remember those?) He called the next day and asked me on a date for the following weekend, dinner at the Black Angus and drinks at a bar in London. I was all of sixteen years old, but with three older sisters, a fake ID could always be found (stolen). The day before our date, he called and asked if I could drive. You see, he had no car, and, oh ya, his license was under suspension (ya, I know winner-winner chicken dinner; but wait, it gets better). I was a gracious young girl, so of course, I agreed to drive.

I went to pick up my twenty-three-year-old date where he lived with his parents (red flag number two for those of you counting), and he asked me to pull the car around the back and reverse up to the wooden shed at the very back of the property. This is where I drew the line. You see, I’d just got my driver’s license, and I wasn’t that good at backing up—he would have to back up the car himself! At the shed, he popped the trunk and proceeded to fill the hatch of my four-door Chevette with cases upon cases of empty beer bottles. Once the car was loaded (and smelled like an empty beer bottle), off we went to Brewers Retail. He had bottle money to collect! (ya, I know; red flag number three.) With money in his pocket and gas in my car, we went for dinner. Thankfully his bottle collection covered our dinner check (I avoided appetizers to play it safe). The night was young, and so were we. The Ox Box in London was a hot spot with live entertainment. With fake ID in my wallet, we were good to go.

AMAZON | AMAZON.CA | BOOKSHOP | INDIGO CHAPTERS
BARNES & NOBLE | BOOK DEPOSITORY | SMASHWORDS

Teresa Fischtner is an “aqua entrepreneur.” After 25 years working in accounting, she changed careers and started teaching aquafit at her family pool. Customers come to “Over the Deep End” for full body workouts in deep water and they leave with a sense of community and friendship that Teresa has created, and all her mermaids and mermen continue to nurture.

This is Teresa’s first book; she writes from her heart with honesty and humour. Comments and kindness always welcome at teresa@overthedeepend.ca.

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